This flash fiction entry is by Jeff Tsuruoka for Five Sentence Fiction, which is hosted over at the blog of the lovely Lillie McFerrin. The theme this week is Faeries, which is a rather favorite topic of mine.
Brother's Keeper
Rogen
slipped out of his shirt to reveal an intricate tattoo which glowed bright red
in the candlelight.
Daragh stood in the doorway and did not watch as Cait laid her lovely hands on Rogen's chest and then disappeared into his body in a wisp of bright red smoke.
“Do not be sad, dear brother,” sneered Rogen, “for she was lost to you the moment she set eyes upon me.”
Daragh walked out of the house without a word and did not look back when his brother began to scream.
He found a comfortable-looking stump and sat down to wait for Cait to return to him from his dead brother's house.
Very creepy, and I didn't expect the twist at the end. I like the voice for this fairy tale. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteWOAH. Didn't see that coming! There's a whole book in those 5 sentences! Well done, m'friend!!
ReplyDeleteHoly wow!! Wonderful and surprising!! Would love to know the back-story here!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks all... I might just have to develop this story further... ;)
ReplyDeleteI was surprised she could enter the tattoo, but the ending was really surprising - very scary! Dropping in from FSF.
ReplyDeleteWow! This story kept me on the edge of my seat! Fantastic ending!
ReplyDeleteThis packed a wallop! What intriguing and full characters you've managed to create with so few words. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering about the lovely Cait. Can she be trusted?
ReplyDeleteThis is really interesting! So many questions...
I get the feeling that this is the tip of a massive iceberg... a fantastic tale begging to be told...
Sweeeeeet lines, Jeff!
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely LEAN tough prose.
Impressive!
Thanks some more, all! Feeling the love... ;)
ReplyDeleteA surprising and creepy ending. Lovesick Daragh may have to wait for a long time.
ReplyDeleteThis is intriguing. I like the stories with the unexpected twists and ominous overtones.
ReplyDeleteGreat job.
That was a powerful write with a great surprise ending.
ReplyDeleteVery, very interesting. I agree with the rest of the comments: the ending is great. I would love to read more.
ReplyDeleteA real horror story :) I love to know why ?
ReplyDeleteYou will... I just added this to my working projects clipboard.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, the darkness of this piece is awesome. It's got the feel of old cautionary tale of treating siblings well, etc. I'm definitely intrigued by the protagonist. Great job.
ReplyDeleteExcellent!!! Perfectly dark and intriguing. Thank you so much for joining in FSF and sharing your awesome writing with us :)
ReplyDelete“Do not be sad, dear brother,” sneered Rogen, “for she was lost to you the moment she set eyes upon me.” Ha! Who could be sad about that?
ReplyDeleteI love the Darahgh's knowing silence -- what we might take at first for resignation turns so quickly into something else. Great story.